Are You Ready for Love?

A good relationship isn't a game you play or an ego trip you take. It is about love and two people. Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can hurt more than we can believe too. When it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person.

Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time. That's the reward and that's the risk. Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved.

Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have. And there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and one that's tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time. The first is easy. The second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work -- because it's about keeping a relationship.

Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with each other. Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and takes time to develop.

Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed. Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be. Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way. No one is perfect. It is true love which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love which makes a person change for the better.

The power of true love to a person is undeniable.

A relationship needs commitments too. What is love without commitments from each other anyway? It's like principles and values. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.

The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we love.

"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to find, hard to get, but easy to break."

Every day everywhere, people fall in love...but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"... but more often than not, the truth is just -- I am IN love with you. There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means
that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you.

This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship...where both were only IN love with each other.

But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking. Let your heart guide you. May you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soulmate.

(Unknown Author)

Not a Broken Hearted Poem

you fooled me, teased me oh so badly
you said you've just been playing with me
and you didn't take me seriously

now its been sometime since you left
and there are so many guys i met
but i cant forget you and its funny to know
coz all those time i've been fooling you too

i guess you have been laughing for me
for all you know i was crying helplessly
you thought i'd be lost without you
you presumed forgetting you is hard for me to do

you really never knew
you are expecting i'll run for you foolishly?
these things never come to my mind for your information
i never cried for you to ease my emotion

i'm sorry to tell you i didn't even waste a single tear
i don't even want you to come back here
in fact i enjoy life more
since the day you close to me your door

but despite the bad things you have done
i am somehow learning to forget and move on
its useless to spend thinking what kind of fool are you
for there wont be a single word enough to describe you

i really wanted to be silent all this time
but its you who force me to speak all of mine
i guess all these would shut your mouth now
for finally i have spoken my last and final vow
together with all your bitches
may you rest in peace...

Love Quotes

Marami akong hindi maintindihan…
Bakit mo ko sinasaktan?
kung gano kita kamahal, ganun mo din ako sinasaktan.
Bakit ganun?
Mahal ba kita dahil ganyan ka 0
Ganyan ka dahil alam mong mahal na mahal kita…?

nung ipinanganak ako
meron akong sungay….
At maaalis lang ito pag nagkaroon
Ako ng mabuting kaibigan.
Nang makilala kita……..
Hanep ka ‘tol!!!
Binago mo ang image ko!!!
Nagkaroon pa ako ng buntot!

Ang pag-ibig ay parang utot,
Kahit anong gawin mo ay napakahirap itago
At pag naamoy ang kimkim na damdamin,
Malalaman ng lahat kahit di man aminin.

If you love and got hurt, love more
If you love more & got hurt more, love even more
If you love even more,
love someone until it hurts no more.
--W. Shakespeare

masakit pag yung taong mahal mo iniwan ka,
masakit pag nakita mong may kasama syang iba
pero di ba mas masakit pag nakita mong masaya sya….
Masaya sya dahil wala ka na.

Bakit pa kaya kelangan pa tayong matutong magmahal ng taong kahit kailan di naman tayo matutunang mahalin….?
Na kahit ibigay mo na ang lahat para sa kanya ay kulang pa rin…..?

Mahirap umasa sa wala,
Mahirap magmahal ng taong may mahal ng iba,
Mahirap ipagtanggol ang taong walang pakialam sa nararamdaman mo
At higit sa lahat mahirap masaktan ng wala ka namang karapatan.

Woman was created from the ribs of a man,
Not from his head to be above nor his feet to be walked upon…
But from his side to be equal to his arms &
To be protected close to his heart & to be loved.

Love has its ups & down, It twists & turns
Love leaves you pain, teaches you ‘til you learn
& even if your love takes so long…
it always takes you where you belong…

A heartbreak isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding.
Sometimes it can be as quite as a feather falling & the most painful thing
Is that no one really hears it except yourself…

Takot akong mawala ka
Di ko alam kung bakit.
Hindi dahil sa di ko kayang mabuhay ng wala ka…
Kundi takot akong dumating yung araw na mahal pa rin kita
Kahit wala ka na……

“Thank you!” …tanong mo siguro bakit?
Hindi dahil sa tanggap mo ako o
Ipinakita mo saking importante ako…
Salamat kasi hinayaan mo akong makilala ka.
Yun lang napasaya mo na ako ng sobra.

Masakit maging kaibigan ng taong mahal mo
Hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar,
Di ka dapat umasa o mainis sa kanya, Bakit?!
Anong karapatan mo? KAIBIGAN KA LANG di ba?!

If you were here beside me,
I would stare @ your face,
look into your eyes,
hold your hand very tight &
kiss you as I look at your face.
I would wish to God:
“… sana sakin ka na lang”

masakit magmahal lalo na ung iiwan ka lang nya…
pero alam mo may mas masakit pa dun…
pag iniwan ka nya sabay sabi:
“…sorry, ‘kala ko kase mahal kita”

when you find yourself in-love with someone who cant love you back coz he got someone else; don’t worry or cry too much…
just close your eyes & say:
“ tang’na! Hindi naman sila bagay!!!”

masaya ako kase akala ko mahal mo ko,
Ikaw kasi eh, ang sweet mo sakin na-inlove tuloy ako sayo
Tapos sasabihin mo lang:
“SYEMPRE LOVES KITA KASI FRIEND KITA!”

pano ko sasabihing MAHAL KITA kung pag-aari ka na ng iba…
masakit man pero kailangan kong tiisin
kahit na mahal kita di na pwede kase KANYA ka na.

Bakit ba may mga taong manhid?
Sobrang sweet mo na nga ‘kala mabait ka lang;
Text mo ng sweet messages iisipin forwarded quote lang;
Sabihin mong mahal mo sya ‘kala nya joke lang…

Ang puso
Nagmamahal,
Nasasaktan,
Napapagod…
Tanong ko nga sayo…
Ang puso mo ba nakakaramdam?
O baka nagpapakamanhid ka lang?

Kahit nasasaktan ang isang tao
pinipilit pa rin nyang magmahal;
Bakit? Dahil ang puso pwede mong sugatan
Pero di kayang turuan…
Patuloy itong titibok…
At patuloy na magmamahal.

Paano mo malalamang mahal mo ang isang tao?
Pag hinahanap-hanap mo sya?
Pag nami-miss mo?
Siguro nga…
Pero kung mahal mo talaga sya,
Masaya ka pag masaya sya…..
Kahit sa piling ng iba.

Pag may taong nagmamahal sayo,
Ayaw mong aminin na nahuhulog ka na sa kanya,
Natutuwa ka ‘pag andyan sya
Pero ayaw mong ipahalata.
Paano na lang kung lumayo na sya?
Di mo rin ba aamining nasasaktan ka?

Dati tuwang-tuwa ako ‘pag inaasar kita,
Tuwang-tuwa ako pag naiinis ka
Tapos sabi mo…
Lalayo ka, ayaw mo nakong makita…
Sabi ko… “wag! Mahal na kita!”
Sabi mo… “Nangaasar ka ba?”

Masakit ang makita mong iba
ang mahal ng taong minamahal mo…
Pero mas masakit ang magkunwaring
masaya ka para sa kanya
habang iniisip mo na:
“…sana ako nalang ang minahal nya”

kanina may naghahanap sayo
at gusto kang patayin.
Ayaw kitang mapahamak
Kaya di kita tinuro…
Kaya eto ako nag-aagaw buhay
Dahil binaril nya ko sa puso
Ng malamang dun kita tinatago.

Naramdaman mo na ba yung akala mo limot mo na sya?
Wala na. Tapos na lahat.
Tapos isang araw nagkita kayo,
ngumiti sya sayo. Nasabi mo na lang:
“ TANG’NA!!! MAHAL KO PA SYA!”

Masakit isiping mahal kita pero mahal mo sya,
Pero mas masakit makitang ginagago ka lang nya.
Wala naman akong magawa kundi sabihing:
“TANG’NA! Kung sakin ka lang, di kita gaganyanin!”

“MISS NA KITA.”
…sabi ko miss na kita!
Ano ka ba naman?
Wala ka man lang bang reaksyon?
Sa bagay, miss LANG naman.
What if… I say…
“I LOVE YOU.”
Mag-react ka kaya?

Kung magising ka isang araw
At maisip mong nag-iisa ka at walang kasama,
Matulog kang muli… baka naiwan lang ako sa panaginip mo
Dahil hangga’t nandito ako
Hindi ka nag-iisa…
PANGAKO ‘YAN.

Sana maisip mo
Na di lahat ng tao tulad ko,
Antipatika man
Gusto kong malaman mo…
Di ako galit sayo,
Galit lang ako sa ugali mo.

Mahirap magsabi ng “SORRY”
Mahirap magsabi ng “MAHAL KITA”
Mahirap magsabi ng “KAILANGAN KITA”
Pero nalaman ko…
Pinakamahirap palang sabihin yung:
“MAHALIN MO NAMAN AKO Ohhh…
pleaseeee…!”

Ayaw mong magmahal? Bakit?
Kase malungkot pag iniwan ka?
Kase masakit pag niloko ka?
Kase malungkot pag di nya mahal?
Pero sa pag-iwas mo ba sa sakit at kalungkutan…
Masaya ka ba?

First Blood (death in video games)

These are real incidents of deaths in various places world wide due to exhaustion from playing games for excessive periods of time. We now know how destructive gaming addiction is.

China

-In 2007, it was reported that Xu Yan died in Jinzhou after playing online games persistently for over 15 days during the Lunar New Year holiday. Later 2007 reports indicated that a 30 year-old male died in Guangzhou after playing video games continuously for 3 days.

-In June 2005, one news agency reported that "Xiao Yi was thirteen when he threw himself from the top of a twenty-four story tower block in his home town, leaving notes that spoke of his addiction and his hope of being reunited with fellow cyber-players in heaven. The suicide notes were written through the eyes of a gaming character ..."

-In March 2005, the BBC reported a murder in Shanghai, when Qiu Chengwei fatally stabbed fellow player Zhu Caoyuan, who had sold on eBay a "dragon sabre" sword he had been lent in a Legend of Mir 3 game, and was given a suspended death sentence.

South Korea

-In 2005, Soomin Lee(Hangul: 이승섭) visited an Internet cafe in the city of Taegu and played StarCraft almost continuously for fifty hours. He went into cardiac arrest, and died at a local hospital. A friend reported: "...he was a game addict. We all knew about it. He couldn't stop himself." About six weeks before his death, his girlfriend, also an avid gamer, broke up with him, and he had been fired from his job for repeated tardiness.

Vietnam

-An Earthtimes.org article reported in 2007 that police arrested a 13-year-old boy accused of murdering and robbing an 81-year-old woman. A local policeman was quoted as saying that the boy "...confessed that he needed money to play online games and decided to kill and rob..." the victim. The article further related a police report that the murder by strangling netted the thief 100,000 Vietnamese dong (US$6.20).

United States

-Press reports in November 2005 state that Gregg J. Kleinmark, 24, plead "guilty to two counts of involuntary manslaughter". He "left fraternal twins Drew and Bryn Kleinmark unattended in a bathtub for 30 minutes, in order to go three rooms away and play on his Game Boy Advance console(sic)" while "in the mean time, the two ten-months old kids drowned".

-Tyrone Spellman, 27, of Philadelphia, was convicted of third-degree murder for killing his 17-month old daughter in a rage over a broken Xbox. He "killed Alayiah Turman with at least five blows to the head" that "cracked the toddler's skull several times".

-Ohio teen Daniel Petric shot his parents, killing his mother, after they took away his copy of Halo 3 in October 2007. In a sentencing hearing after the teen was found guilty of aggravated murder, Judge James Burge said "I firmly believe that Daniel Petric had no idea at the time he hatched this plot that if he killed his parents they would be dead forever". On 16 June 2009, Petric was sentenced to 23 years to life.

Canada

-Brandon Crisp, an Ontario 15-year-old, ran away from home on Thanksgiving Monday in 2008 after his parents took away his Xbox 360 due to falling grades and excessive play of Call of Duty 4. He was last seen alive on a bicycle trail. His body was found weeks later, about 3 miles away, by a party of hunters. An autopsy determined that he died when he fell from a tree.

(from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

The Tiger and The Dragon (Toradora fanfiction)

Ryuugi Takasu wasn't very fond of using foul language. He could easily be the best mouthed teenager in all Japan. But this time, the only word his brain could form was "fuck". It seemed like a good idea. At least, on the first moments. He had bursted pretty bad back there, telling his mother all that horrible things. And in front of Taiga's mother, moreover. Not a very nice way to gain your girl's family. Not that Taiga was his girl or anything. "Yet", his brain added. "Fuck off, brain", the teen thought. It really wasn't the right time for this kind of thinking. He had to recognize that, when he snapped and Taiga took his hand as both of them ran away from their respective mothers, it felt kind of nice. Two pained souls running around town. Pretty cute.

The real problem came after that. Ryuugi had shouted, cried and ran all he could, which did wonders for his body and soul. He just had to take everything out of his organism. Well, maybe not everything but a lot of things. But then he didn't have the heart to face his mother, at least not today. Telling his own mother that she regretted giving birth to him was something awful. Taiga didn't want to face her mother, either, coming now of all times to take her away from the life she had so hardly constructed. The problem came when it started to get dark. No normal hotel would let two teenagers who had obviously run away stay. The only option they had was someplace they didn't have to interact with any receptionist or employee. In other words: a love hotel. And, as the two teenagers sat on the opposite corners of the large, and only, bed of the room, the "F" word that kept going into Ryuugi's mind was taking another, and much sinister, meaning, that wasn't precisely swearing.

-Soo… -started Ryuugi, starting to get really scared of the awkward silence that had been between them the whole time- How are you doing?

Fantastic, Ryuugi Takasu, he told to himself. Simply fantastic. "How are you doing?" Brilliant.

Of course, Taiga ignored totally his lame intent of starting a conversation. She looked like she was thinking really hard. Ryuugi also had things to think about. I mean, he spent more than a year chasing after a girl and, only two days before this crappy situation, he found himself that he was in love with another girl. With the girl he was sharing and damned love hotel room. All because she said if he would be happy if she gave him handmade Valentine's chocolate. She. Handmade chocolate. Gotta be a joke.

-So you knew all along, didn't you –blurted Taiga. Ryuugi made a confused sound, not knowing what she was talking about. The terrible Palmtop Tiger started to blush, so much that Ryuugi feared her head would explode.

-I'm talking about the trip… -she said- When I was unconscious… I thought you were Kitamura-kun… And I… I… Don't make me say it, you dumbass!

She was shaking, and so red you could boil an egg in her forehead. Ryuugi blushed as well.

-Oh, yeah… -he said, scratching lightly his jab- That…

Taiga turned her head violently. Now she wasn't red only out of shame, but also out of anger.

-What do you mean, "That"? –she shouted- I thought you were another person! I said all that shameful things! You should have told me!

Ryuugi's eyebrow twitched. Now he was getting irritated, to. That was just plainly unfair.

-And what was I supposed to do? –shouted back- I was about to tell you I wasn't Kitamura, but then you started talking about shining armored knights, and saying you were sorry and that had fallen in love with me! In the morning you were telling me that I had to go for Kushieda and in the night you say you are in love with me! I was confused! It's your fault!

-M-m-m-my… my fault? –stuttered Taiga, outraged- You didn't just say that!

-Oh, yes, yes I did! –shouted Ryuugi. He knew he was being a jerk, but he couldn't stop. He had to take it all of his system. Absolutely, totally all- If you hadn't messed up the bags at the starting of the school year, nothing of this would have happened! It was way easier before, you know! I watched Kushieda from far, I was friends with Kitamura, and I was content with that! If you hadn't interfered, I wouldn't have confessed, Ami and Kushieda wouldn't have fought, you wouldn't have fallen, I wouldn't have found you, you wouldn't have said all that things, and everything would've been alright!

After he emptied his brain aloud, Ryuugi felt better. Much better. But when he looked at Taiga's face, he knew ha had gone way too far. Taiga was trembling in fury.

-Y-you… you damn dog… I'll friggin' kill you! –as she shouted that, the Palmtop Tiger jumped at Ryuugi neck, who fell from the bed to the floor, and there he stayed, as Taiga placed herself on him, hitting Ryuugi with her tiny fists.

-Y-you dumbass! You think it was easy for me, to see you drooling over Minorin? –she cried, tears starting to flow from her eyes- It's not like I asked for that to happen, you know! I-it just happened… It was all easier before… before….

Ryuugi sighed, letting his head rest on the floor. Taiga had stopped her aggression, and now she was just on his chest, sobbing. He gently put his hands on her back and sighed again. It wasn't fair. After all this time, this just was not fair. He spent more than one year in love with Kushieda. He even confessed and got rejected, just to try it again. A relationship with Taiga could only end in disaster and hurt all of them. He should tell Taiga that he was sorry, but that he didn't felt that way. That would be the best and wisest decision. Get hurt a bit today, to be happy ever after. Definitely, saying that he didn't feel the same way was the best thing to do.

-I love you –Ryuugi said. Fuck it all. He was tired. Tired of being wise, tired of keeping things to himself, tired of not making, for once, the decision he wanted to make. He felt the muscles of Taiga's back stiffen, and her breathing getting a little faster.

-Wha…? –she started.

-I love you –repeated Ryuugi. Wow, that was easier that he thought it would be. He felt Taiga tightening the grip on his shirt.

-Say it again –she said in a very soft voice. Ryuugi made a confused sound, before Taiga raised her voice- Do it!

-I… Love you? –repeated Ryuugi, now starting to get nervous. Maybe it wasn't that easy.

-Really? –she asked, raising her head to look at Ryuugi's eyes. She still had the marks the tears had left in her cheeks. She grabbed Ryuugi's head- Really?

Ryuugi nodded.

-Y-yeah… -from nervous, Ryuugi was starting to feel scared. Taiga looked serious, and scary. And awfully cute, with that messed hair and reddened cheeks.

-If you are lying, I'll kill you –she the lowered her head and kissed him. Ryuugi didn't react immediately. He was surprised. Sure, he liked Taiga. Sure, he knew Taiga liked him. But he didn't expect her to kiss him out of the blue. But before he could think over that, he found himself responding to her lips, lightly opening his mouth and inviting Taiga to do the same to do the same with his tongue. He pressed her small body against his own, and realized, maybe for the first time, that she was a girl. Sure, he knew that all along, but her fierce demeanor and violent attitude had, somehow prevented him from notice how fragile she really seemed, or how soft her body seemed under her school uniform. He felt that his face was burning, but that wasn't what was worrying him the most, but that his member was starting to react to all that kissing. To react violently. Also, his right hand moved on his own, going from Taiga's back to, slowly but surely, rest gently in her bottom. Taiga seemed to notice that, as her back muscles tightened a little but she didn't resist, only reacting by kissing him even deeper, as their tongues played and caressed each other. Taiga broke the kiss for a moment, catching her breath.

-Say it again, Ryuugi –she commanded- Say it.

-I love you –he repeated. She made a strange expression, like she would never have enough of hearing it. Then she bit her lip lightly.

-I… Umh… Me… -she looked away form him, her face like a tomato- I…l-l-l-l-love you too, 'kay? –the last sentence was said in such a soft voice that even Ryuugi, who was only a few centimeters from her, could almost hear her. Sure, he already knew that. And he wasn't cruel enough to make her repeat herself, like she did, since it seemed Taiga could die from embarrassment any time now. But to hear that from her lips, face to face, know that she knew that she was telling it to him and the fact that, with her face blushed and her lips swollen from all that kissing, she looked so cute it was almost painful, it was too much for him to withstand. With a sudden impulse, he got up and dragged Taiga's little body with him, smashing them both up on the bed again. Only that this time their situation was reversed, with Ryuugi's body on Taiga's. Someone who would have seen that would have thought that he was going to crush her, but Ryuugi was careful enough to put his hands on the mattress, preventing the fatal outcome.

-R-Ryuugi, what…? –Taiga started, but the boy shut her by kissing her deeply again. Kissing, sucking and licking, he left her mouth, caressing her neck with his tongue, and kissing her collarbone. On the mean time, he put his right hand on her leg, and started going up her tight. Then, Taiga finally reacted. She came off him with a jump and moved back a bit, blushing really violently.

-W-w-w-w-w-w-w-what are you doing?! –she stuttered.

-What? –was the only coherent thing Ryuugi could articulate.

-Y-y-you we-were t-t-t-t-t-t-touching me! –she said, still stuttering and blushing like crazy.

-Y-yeah? –definitely today wasn't Ryuugi's most eloquent day. His brain was still trying to figure out what was going on- I… touched you? Yeah, I did.

-Don't give me that, you horny dog! –she answered, pointing him with an accusing finger- Y-y-y-you… Don't get carried away!

-Okay? –finally, the situation was starting to enter the dazed brain of the teen- Well, you know… You didn't tell me to stop so I…

-Don't take things out of context! That is that, and this is this! –she interrupted. "What the…?" Ryuugi thought "That doesn't even make any sense!". In the meantime, Taiga was still explaining her point- That I didn't say anything doesn't allow you to do what you want! You get it?

-Yes? –the boy answered hesitantly- I'm sorry?

-S-s-s-s-s-so… -she stuttered again, getting even redder, if that was possible- I-if you g-get it, I gu-guess I'll forgi-forgive y-y-you…

Ryuugi raised an eyebrow. "So basically, you were surprised, got scared, and now you regret it" that's what the teen thought, but he was careful enough not to say it aloud. He then turned around to face Taiga and smiled.

-You're cute, you know? –he said, approaching her again. She looked away from his eyes.

-Idiot –she muttered in a very low voice. Then, received his kiss again, before lying down on the bed.

Aokigahara Forest

"The perfect place to die." That's how Aokigahara was described in Wataru Tsurumui's bestselling book The Complete Manual of Suicide. A dense, dark forest bordering Mt. Fuji, Aokigahara is infamous throughout Japan as a popular spot for those taking their final journey.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit gusto ng mga tao doon magpakamatay. Kung titignan mo ang lugar mala-"Blairwitch Project" ang dating niya. Baka mamatay ka na sa takot pagpasok mo pa lang sa loob ng forest. Pero naisip ko rin siguro sa sobrang depression hindi mo na maiisipang matakot.

Pero kung ako ang papipillin, kung magpapakamatay ako gusto ko sa isang garden yung tipong parang nasa paradise ka para at least may class di ba?

Depression...

• Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
• You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
• You’re crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
• You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
• Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
• Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.
• You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
• Your friends and family really irritate you.
• You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
• Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
• It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
• You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
• You’re anxious and worried a lot.
• Everything seems hopeless.
• You feel like you can’t do anything right.
• You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
• You have a feeling of impending doom - you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what, and/or...
• ...You have a very specific fear that torments you constantly.
• In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
• You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
• You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
• Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
• Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

Finally, I got to understand the reason why I'm having unexplainable feelings...